Last week our oldest son turned 23 and I realized today that there are some
people out there reading our blog that may not have "the scoop" as to how
we got from here to there. Well, it's been quite a ride over the years. So
many ups and downs, I hardly know where to start, but perhaps Chris is the
best place.
Twenty-three years ago we had our precious birth son Chris, we had been
trying for years, had even begun talking about adoption then, but God blessed
us with our beautiful son, Christopher! All seemed to be going well with
Chris, he was babbling, cruising around furniture, playing patty-cake and all
the typical one year old activities. Ahhhh, life was good.
Then a few weeks after his first birthday tragedy struck, what started out
as a simple ear infection suddenly turned ugly. Within hours he had a
temperature over 105 and a Grand Mal seizure. This after many frantic calls to the
Pediatrician who didn't much appreciate a first time Mom interrupting her
Sat. afternoon. Things didn't improve much at the E.R. Even with Tylenol
suppositories after constant cool baths, he still fought this terrible fever.
Finally, it went down to 101 and they admitted him, but things weren't over,
in his room he had another seizure this time his temp. was 106.5! This was
the end of the life we had planned.
No more babbling, no more toddling, just regression and more seizures.
Within a year Chris was diagnosed with severe Autism and Epilepsy. I didn't take
that news very well and felt so helpless. We did all things all parents do
with a child with Autism, we tried different therapies, different
medications, different treatments, you get the idea. Mom's are supposed to make their
babies all better, right???
But Chris has taught me more than any textbook or other person ever could.
I have learned from him, patience, endurance, empathy, humility, and undying
love. I know people think I must love him less, but the secret I don't
share with them is I love him so much more. We are commanded to be Christlike,
yet how can we ever hope to be, sinners that we are (and we are all
sinners),surely our dearest son is far closer to that goal than I can ever hope to
be!
It was a difficult struggle but as Chris grew older he did mellow. When
young, his hyperactivity levels were right off the charts, his sleep completely
erratic, but God in his mercy, slowed Chris down a bit for us. Making him
manageable and bringing our thoughts back to adoption. We never questioned
our desire to adopt children with special needs, it felt like we were using
the wisdom God had given us through Chris's struggles for a purpose beyond our
own desires.
I'm attaching a story someone shared with me shortly after Chris's was
diagnosed. It seemed so true at the time and even more so for today. Without
Chris, we never would have made it to Korea or Hong Kong or China and for THAT
I am eternally grateful!
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a
disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to
understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation
trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans.
The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn
some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your
bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess
comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy!
I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and
there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible,
disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a
different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new
language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have
met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than
Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath,
you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and
Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're
all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of
your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what
I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the
loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to
Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things
... about Holland.
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